If you’ve been reading my blog for long, you know that I have been doing my best to increase my abilities and strengthen my body. But if you know much about spinal cord issues, you know that spinal cords don’t really heal. The intense protection they have from everything outside them also means that they don’t really regenerate or recover from injuries.
About a month after I hit my one-year mark, my husband Mark and I had a very serious and emotional conversation. He pointed out that due to the lasting damage to my spinal cord, it likely wasn’t realistic to plan on staying in our home long-term. We’ve had enough time post-injury to get a good feel for where my body is going to land, and what my long-term challenges are going to be, as well as how that impacts our family life and capabilities as a family. For example, we’ve realized that long road trips may be out of the picture for us, as I cannot sit for long stretches without a lot of pain. Anyway, we had been blocking out considering what my injury meant for our living situation until that fateful day.
When it comes down to it, I am the major driver of projects and maintenance around our home. While Mark does a lot of the heavy lifting, I do most of the everyday maintenance on our house and acreage. This past summer, our kids have had to do all of it. And while that worked, and they had good attitudes about their increased responsibilities, we realized it isn’t viable long term for two reasons: 1. Having acreage isn’t their dream, it’s mine, and we don’t feel comfortable hijacking their summers for the rest of their childhood to sustain my dream. 2. They will eventually move out, leaving everything to us.
It was a hard decision to make, but rather than stay as long as we can, we decided to move while our kids are still at home so that we can establish a new home together as a family. As a matter of fact, the day of that intense conversation, we found a house in Boise that we were drawn to and will be closing on that house this week. The house itself is larger than ours because it has a basement, but it has a moderate fenced backyard with a pool that I will be able to use for ongoing physical therapy and just enough space for us to still enjoy being outside. It will give our kids a bit more space to grow into adulthood with lots of room for gatherings and fun for years to come!
I never, ever thought I’d be entering this season. Even if you would’ve asked me six months ago I would’ve laughed at you. We designed our house, wrote Scripture all over the studs before it was sheet-rocked, and have raised our family here for nine years. We transformed the landscape from dirt, sagebrush, and goatheads to a beautiful oasis that has hosted numerous parties, Sukkot gatherings, and more with our own hands. Every bit of this home has our family’s handprint on it.
But I have peace. And I say all this to encourage you – if you are going through a season you never thought you would, God is still with you. Sometimes He asks us to walk through very hard seasons, but it is never without purpose or unredeemable. I know that no matter how painful these next few months are, He has a greater plan and purpose for our family that I cannot yet see, and He will carry us every step of the way. I am learning again in a new way to let go of the things I hold tightly to and trust God with them. May He use this season to breathe new life into our family and draw us all closer to Him.