Personal Growth

When the Blues Come Knocking

I struggle with depression. I used to think that it was something that I’d eventually master it, and never struggle anymore, but since then I’ve realized that’s probably not going to be the case. I have a strong family history of depression, and I’m married to someone who struggles with it as well. I used to think it was mostly due to living somewhere that I rarely saw the sun, but now a rarely see clouds and I can still feel it trying to sneak itself in. I used to think that if I just hit a certain point in my walk with the Lord, I’d conquer it, but I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been and it’s still knocking on my door.

I used to be embarrassed to admit to this struggle of mine. Didn’t it illuminate some major weakness of mine? Can I really be fit to raise children when I struggle with this? Or to serve HaShem? Can He really use me?  But since then I’ve realized that just like other things that people struggle with, this is something that the Lord can use to His glory, if I let him.

It’s been four months since we moved here to Idaho, and I’m starting to experience the “blues” again. I’m not sure of the cause – maybe homesickness, maybe burnout, maybe loneliness, maybe it’s diet-related. Maybe it’s not really any of that. I don’t know if it really matters.

But I do have a major advantage over the last time I was struggling with depression – a much stronger relationship with my Creator, who is the only one who knows the answer to that question. He knows why this is a struggle of mine and how I can beat it. And He is the source of life – not just physical life, but emotional life as well!

So this morning, I am going to place this struggle into the hands that made me.

“Trust in him at all times, O people, pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”  ~ Psalm 62:8

And instead of placing my focus on this challenge of mine, I’m going to choose to place my focus back on God’s word.

“The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul.”  ~ Psalm 19:7

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”  ~ Psalm 19:14

I am so thankful that I serve a Maker who loves me and has a plan for me! So for today, I will rejoice in Him and His truth. May He sustain me.

2 comments on “When the Blues Come Knocking”

  1. laurata says:

    Judy, I am sorry you are struggling. I hope the Lord graces you with wisdom and peace. Please take care of yourself, and remember how loved you are!

  2. I am just catching up on your blog, Judy. My heart has always ached for my friends who struggle with depression. I had a close friend growing up who struggled with it and though I had a lot of empathy for her, I couldn’t ever fully understand what she was going through. The last two or three menstrual cycles I have had came with an unexplainable desire to shut down. I can’t handle being around anyone, but brought to dry crying with feelings of being all alone. I am just coming out of it right now, but started staying up a good part of the night in order to cope. Thank you for sharing this and once again inspiring me to focus on reaching out to HaShem through all of life’s ups and downs. xoxo

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